Seventh to Be Born, First to Live

God has always been there for me. He’s been there since my early childhood, He was there even before my birth.

I was the seventh to be born, the first to live.

He was there, when oldest young brother ascended and helped me to curate his early memory lively.

He was there at the edges of my life, so no literal missteps, no irresponsibility saw me pass away.

God was there to protect my children, saving them, pulling them from the brink of death and nurture them to be one of a kind Blessings in the world for both the Nature and the humanity.

God was there, when I wasn’t there for Him.

He showed me how to love as He does, He showed me how to see as He sees.

He’s been helping me to be more complete and unique, and He has been there for me even when noone else.
God has taught me to accept the light in me and understantd my real value. As He opened His heart I could experience: in a way He is as fragile as we all are…

I was the seventh to be born, the first to live.

Yet, I died.

 

Not even once…

 

 

Joshua Dragon

 

 

Read more: God is Within

Loosing friends

It still hurts when I realize how far we are from each other with a friend who would be a real one.

You know, when you don’t even think of how great this what you have is, because you feel it is eternal and everything will be as it is.

And then it’s not.

Hard to find the point when the change starts to happen and then, all of a sudden, you know you are not there where you used to be. Not any more.

And it hurts, hurts a lot.

Where have the good days gone?

You never know. They are just gone.

And you feel the loneliness. The emptiness echoing.

And there is only God to talk.

God who has always been there waiting for you. And now, He is waiting for you to say a word. To say anything.

And there is nothing you can tell Him.

It happens you are empty. There is a void when you understand your real friend is just not that person whom you were thinking as a friend.

Still, God is there.

My friend has been silently waiting for me.

My friend, who has always been there for me. And it was me who became distant. The one who did not respond for His calling.

And still He is here for me.

God still wants to be my friend. Despite I abandoned Him. Despite how I thought we were good when we were not. Despite everything, God is still there.

God is still within.

What am I going to tell Him?

 

 

Joshua Dragon

 

(from my upcoming book: God is Still Within)

 

you can also read: Rebirth – Again and Rebirth is needed here

Rebirth is needed

As I was combing through the words, wisdoms and teachings this short line enlightened me: Rebirth is needed.

 

How true.

Often forgotten.

 

And the most unusual part? You need to die first, voluntarily.

 

After the foggy days, you know, when the painkillers shred off, everything is sharper yet pale. Thinking back, there were days with daydream-fevers, that state, when everything has its place while you are in and makes completely no sense when you are looking back at it.

Which one is real?

When everything works despite struggles or when nothing seems to be working, feels cold, a bit cruel as you are unwanted, people are uninterested in you, yet, it is said that is reality, that is life.

And the sad part: you feel it is true somewhere.

And you are fighting against yourself, hiding this realization, escaping into mind palaces.

But each escaping is a failure.

You always need to be able to transform any unpleasant circumstances into a more ideal one, creating Heaven with your thoughts, words and actions.

It doesn’t feel right and it is completely nonsense.

Still, the only way to create a better world if you make it. Nobody else will make it for you or to the people you care, love.

 

I have always been lack of bright sense when it came to take care of myself.

At all.

Completely.

 

And now, it’s like left out words waiting after anything I write or think, a predetermined ending.

So, my free will is among the boundaries I’d involuntarily made?

 

God couldn’t have given me my destiny for sure, if I weren’t anywhere near to become a co-creator in life!

 

There is this significant difference with ageing: awareness can be pre-occupied with mindless things and the numbness; the greatest fear of all: loosing me, myself and I. For sure, I am my own flesh, but I am more. Even if science lacks the equipments to measure, I do have a soul, I do have love in me.

 

I do have God in me.

 

At least, there is a place where He had temporary shelter to dwell, at least in a tiny part.

 

And I know, fatal sicknesses are not by Him, but it is scary and hard.

What if?

The what ifs are the scariest and the hardest.

 

I do lead a good life, I am a good person. Yet, I have so many mistakes, I have accidentally wronged others and I had to realize, somewhere I am also vain.

What if my failures…

 

Just get back to life, just get back to help others, especially if they don’t know it, and gain back love to do more.

The foggy days are over.

The rest will be done, either way.

 

 

Joshua Dragon

 

(from my upcoming book: Good is Still Within)

Rebirth – Again

God has granted me the chance to be reborn – again.

 

This wasn’t the first time.

The miracle is still flowing through my cells. Minute by minute I can acknowledge the strength.

 

When you feel life is coming back to you and you have this sense of strange feeling of guilt that you haven’t earned it. And you feel it is kind of right.

I can type again. Probably, I can write again.

I could cook yesterday.

I could carry the bags from shop the day before yesterday.

I was able to breath a few days ago.

 

It is still strange, an unusual mystery, how easily it can be forgotten and looked obvious that even lifting an arm was a distant desire not known for sure ever to be fulfilled – and now it is normal.

How things can loose their meaningfulness so easily in our life?

Like they had no value at all for us.

Vanity is an ever-existing condition it seems.

Indeed, as there is progress, we deem to forget priorities which were reset in a way we felt were the truth.

Now, a race started again: which minuscules could tramp over and misguide my presence, derail my consciousness to plastic reality?

Can I be the king of the fake world? Can I be in that competition, with even greater strength? It feels like that, every single moment which I spend with muting my inner voice and reasoning myself: surfing, watching, listening, not-praying and self-treating are worthier ways.

I know, God hasn’t saved me for this. It looks, a rebirth doesn’t make me different from what I used to be, not in an instant, not without growth.

Though, healing is also a process.

Maybe I also should be more accepting with myself. I should let myself to heal inside, heal from the world, from the life I’ve lived.

 

 

JD

 

(from my new book: God is Still Within)

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