You never wanted me

You never wanted me

Just my illusion

A painted shade

On the wall of lovers

 

Our game was meant to be life

We took it too seriously

And went too far

By now separately

 

Words cannot be trusted

There is no more wisdom to earn

Mistaken patience paralyzed

And stopped us to grow

 

Togetherness is an ideal

Not meant to be reached

For those who are abandoned

And live in broken dreams

 

I’m relieving to take a breath

That’s all I have left

Enough to be a good man

And find a kind of happiness

 

 

Joshua Dragon

remember the good times

remember the good times

remember the holy ground

where we stood and stayed

danced and kissed

through the night

 

remember the good times

but

all the years are gone now

remember the good times

but you

never said why you left

remember the good times

how we dreamt and yet survived

and

how we broke everything

what was nice and so dear

now we know every pain

 

all the nights and all the days

I’m just a wanderer in a desert

what’s my fate and indemnity

nobody knows, nobody knows

all the nights and all the days

I’m just a wanderer in a desert

what’s my fate and indemnity

nobody knows me, nobody knows me

 

 

Joshua Dragon

You are complete in God’s heart

No matter where you were born

No matter how you have lived

No matter whether you’ve lost

No matter if you ever win

 

No matter what was your path

No matter if you’re left behind

No matter when you gave up

No matter if you’re still stuck

 

Since

 

You are never alone in this journey

even it’s hard to pass

the desert you are in

and you feel there in noone to invite you in

 

It is okey to be broken

it is okey to feel down

it is okey to cry

and it is okey to shout

 

Because

 

God chose you for a reason

even if you can’t see it

You are one and only

unrepeated and unique

 

Everything what you missed

can be found now

You are complete

in God’s Heart

 

Love yourself as much as He loves you

 

 

Joshua Dragon

Drifting

There is a black hole in me

Without singularity

Fragments of life

Say me goodbye

Unreliable memories

Drifting in space

Who could be

You

Wasted me

I can’t embrace

The dead

Any more

Where would you be

If I were still alive

For you

Where would you be

If I were still there

I cannot be

The scent of your garden

Is broken history

 
I’m lonely and lost

I have everything I don’t need

 

 

Joshua Dragon

(from the “Break-up Therapy”)

Anyone to talk to is You, God

Anyone to talk to is You, God

 

All the deaf and selfish

and all the caring are asleep

leaving the ones in need

leaving me in need

of talking

sharing and

bonding

of feeling to be related

and connected

You are the only one, who is awake

 

You gave me life

and let me find my purpose

which has never been so easy

but I could wear off the selfishness

in a rough path

so I could be more like You

at least

try

 

Nobody has ever longed for me

as much as You, Father

not for Yourself, but for me

and that love is strange

still unusual

in this life

 

There is noone else at this vigil

You are the only one who listens

and hear me out

and I wish I could love You more

but this is all I can do

trying to grow

and be more mature

 

Anyone to talk to is You, God

there is noone else awake this time of the night

nor in my life

my heart is invisible for the world

I matter the most to You

I know

 

For some, I am like You

Father

guiding light

brother

through all the challenges

 

I can love You more, Father

as I’m evolving

this way

 

Anyone to talk to is You, God

 

 

Joshua Dragon

I know that you never loved me

I know that you never loved me

You never knew how to love

Truly

How could you give

What never been yours

 

Just and unconcious mind

And a sometimes shining heart

That’s what we were

To each other

 

We took more than we gave

Because we needed to

Survive

Since we never knew how to live

Just to be images

Of a shattered vision

 

Surrogates to our true selves

Which we were hiding

That’s what we were

Expected images

Of the life around

 

I know that you never loved me

You never knew how to love

Truly

I’m just praying these days

For you to recognize

 

 

Joshua Dragon

It was over before I realized

It was over

Before I realized

How much I miss

From love and the world

Without her

 

Then God visited me

In different forms

And tried to lead me

In different ways

 

As I was blind

Dead and mute

It took a long while

To see myself

As a son of His

 

Even now it is hard

To believe

That He loves me

Unconditionally

 

I can be happy

By myself I know

It won’t be perfect

But I am not alone

 

Heavenly Parent

Is watching over me

 

 

Joshua Dragon

Loosing friends

It still hurts when I realize how far we are from each other with a friend who would be a real one.

You know, when you don’t even think of how great this what you have is, because you feel it is eternal and everything will be as it is.

And then it’s not.

Hard to find the point when the change starts to happen and then, all of a sudden, you know you are not there where you used to be. Not any more.

And it hurts, hurts a lot.

Where have the good days gone?

You never know. They are just gone.

And you feel the loneliness. The emptiness echoing.

And there is only God to talk.

God who has always been there waiting for you. And now, He is waiting for you to say a word. To say anything.

And there is nothing you can tell Him.

It happens you are empty. There is a void when you understand your real friend is just not that person whom you were thinking as a friend.

Still, God is there.

My friend has been silently waiting for me.

My friend, who has always been there for me. And it was me who became distant. The one who did not respond for His calling.

And still He is here for me.

God still wants to be my friend. Despite I abandoned Him. Despite how I thought we were good when we were not. Despite everything, God is still there.

God is still within.

What am I going to tell Him?

 

 

Joshua Dragon

 

(from my upcoming book: God is Still Within)

 

you can also read: Rebirth – Again and Rebirth is needed here

Even if you face lonely periods in your life

Even if you experience lonely time periods when you feel you have no power within, you should not get discouraged. You should know through such periods you could overcome the valleys of your life. A border in the valley is the midpoint of the valley. The larger the valley, the wider is the bottom of the valley. You will experience a lonely time when you alone pass through the expanse of the bottom of the large valley. When you are there, neither God nor Satan can interfere with you. You must pass through it all by yourself. Like a boat has to navigate through sunken rocks in dark night, you must face such a dangerous time. You want to gut it out, but you have no power left in you. Then you will be overcome with the feeling that God has forsaken you. You are so bewildered that you cannot tell if God really even exists.

The question is how can you overcome such a time? You must remind yourself of a past time when you were filled with joy because of the grace and blessings you received from God, as if you were a bee that was intoxicated with nectar. You need to have such experiences. God, who protected me in the past when I faced difficulty is my loving Parent. I am without a doubt God’s child. No matter how curved and contorted the road your travel takes you, in the end God will put you in the position to fulfil the purpose of His love. This is absolutely true, no matter what.

A reason why God lets you go through this process is that He wants you to realize something very important and very significant. For that reason, God gives you this kind of time period. It is not that God is blocking the way so that you must face this lonely period. If you face a period of loneliness, you must overcome the period with faith that is rooted in the conviction that God loves you from your personal standard – that God has been protecting you and encouraging you. In spite of what people may say, you must overcome such a lonely period. You cannot depend on anyone. You must not be discouraged even if you fall into the position where no one recognizes you.

When you are lonely, you must realize that God too must be agonizing, since He has to place you, His loving child, in such a position of loneliness. Do you agree with this? God is in the same position as parents who anguish over their child as they helplessly see their child suffering. Realizing this, as you go through this lonely period, God will be filled with a great desire to love you even more. However, He cannot give you love because it is a time you have to go through alone.

So, you should know as soon as you go through the lonely course, God’s love will reach to you. So, you must go through the period with this faith. You should know once you overcome that, you will definitely receive great blessings. After you experience this several times, you will never doubt God’s Will nor wonder about your destiny even though you are over and over going through a lonely course, or being placed in a lonely position. In this way, you will learn the process for going through a lonely period.

 

Even if you face lonely periods in your life
Reverend Sun Myung Moon
1968

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