It’s been 6 years by now since this blog started. With around 1200 posts, ups and downs, tremendous changes in life, there is this question to raise: what does it mean to be a pastor?
Actually, this should also include what it takes to be a pastor.
What is a pastor, anyway?
First, there are the easy answers: caretaker, soulfinder, listener, advisor, friend.
The one who is always there for you even if you don’t show up and never call back – just when you are in need to feel better in your self-made personal hell.
Was Jesus a pastor? Of course, He wasn’t.
Yet He was, indeed.
There is this unceasing need deep down in all of us to get better, to feel happy and be less miserable – to get at least a little grasp of joy when it seems dark.
Overachievers obviously want to save the world, to shape it to Heaven or at least start the process on their own way and understanding.
Now, I’m an overachiever here, it seems.
There are the other answers for being a pastor, the ones making me uneasy almost all the time: immaculate, clear, spotless, a growing child of God, our Heavenly Parent. Somebody who always smiles, wise and stays in a tranquil place.
It took me a longer while to admit it to myself: I’m not always immaculate nor clear, I have stains and although I really long for helping God, mostly I’m challenged and can be shattered easier than it would be convenient.
How selfish, I know…
Though I’m dedicated and persevering, these that’s for sure I’ve inherited and learned the hard way from my Father, Reverend Moon. Yes, He is my spiritual Father, feels closer than my real one ever. Actually, He had me have brighter understanding of my trapped biological parents.
I’ve always felt Jesus, Yeshua is my brother, the real one.
The same goes to my children as they frequently can meet and talk to Him.
Honesty is also a part of being a pastor, the bare truth to be told and shown with nothing to hide or hold back.
Actually, I’m always saying the truth, I’m unable to lie or hold back. Tricky thing with when it comes to gifts and surprises.
That’s a treat once I thought worth to give up and will lead to personal salvation and liberation, so that would affect to whole world, or at least a larger part of it, faster and greater, more efficient.
How wrong I was…!
God had me live a various life to gain a large skilset, now I know in order to utilize those skills for helping the world, helping Him better.
And that’s not a one way street, more comes always back when the giving is absolute, unconditional.
Putting myself low in order to have others feel better and greater is never the way – though I used to have this practice.
However, each and every one of us has a unique, unprecedent value, a special truth in ourselves that nobody else has ever had nor ever will have. We are all one of a kind representatives of the very same Heavenly Parent.
We are all the same in our differences and together we make a whole.
There are several ways of guiding others, being a mediator in between God and the ones who do not even know they are lost. Sacrifice, is a major thing in it.
Although none of us will ever have to bear what Jesus had to, yet, emotionally we are going through our Golgothas all the time, we are on the cross voluntarily. This is the way to experience the suffering and aching heart of our Heavenly Parent. And it is not about us – we can say no anytime.
We are free.
But with free will comes responsibility.
The greater the knowledge, the greater the stake.
Everybody is responsible according to his/her understanding.
And I like knowing more and more…
Ultimately, everything comes to this: loving the world -and here it means actions without expecting anything in return- must be more important than loving our own children and family, ourselves. Of course, there must be a balance in a way, but the focus should be on those, who are further from the ideal.
That’s something we have been taught by Jesus and God a lot…
I’m sure I need to find a right balance in between self-care and living for the sake of others, too. At least sometimes treat of refreshing sleep and more regular meals are ways to do even more.
I am not omnipotent, and I tend to forget it.
So, this one is also true: being a pastor means paving a way in finding internal-external balance, too.
Prayers must be actions and anything can be a prayer in this aspect.
Let’s pray-act together!