Who knows who you are

Who knows who you are

Might be God

Or just your self-indulgence

 

Who has the eyes

To show you a mirror

With your broken wrinkles

 

Who brings you the message of hope

To prosper not just to survive

During your lost times

 

Who changes your vanity

Your self-pity, your worry

Your obsolete obnoxious old mindset

 

Who knows who your are

Might be God

Or just your self-indulgence

 

 

Joshua Dragon

What does it mean to be a pastor?

It’s been 6 years by now since this blog started. With around 1200 posts, ups and downs, tremendous changes in life, there is this question to raise: what does it mean to be a pastor?

Actually, this should also include what it takes to be a pastor.

 

What is a pastor, anyway?

 

First, there are the easy answers: caretaker, soulfinder, listener, advisor, friend.

The one who is always there for you even if you don’t show up and never call back – just when you are in need to feel better in your self-made personal hell.

 

Was Jesus a pastor? Of course, He wasn’t.

Yet He was, indeed.

 

There is this unceasing need deep down in all of us to get better, to feel happy and be less miserable – to get at least a little grasp of joy when it seems dark.

Overachievers obviously want to save the world, to shape it to Heaven or at least start the process on their own way and understanding.

Now, I’m an overachiever here, it seems.

 

There are the other answers for being a pastor, the ones making me uneasy almost all the time: immaculate, clear, spotless, a growing child of God, our Heavenly Parent. Somebody who always smiles, wise and stays in a tranquil place.

It took me a longer while to admit it to myself: I’m not always immaculate nor clear, I have stains and although I really long for helping God, mostly I’m challenged and can be shattered easier than it would be convenient.

How selfish, I know…

 

Though I’m dedicated and persevering, these that’s for sure I’ve inherited and learned the hard way from my Father, Reverend Moon. Yes, He is my spiritual Father, feels closer than my real one ever. Actually, He had me have brighter understanding of my trapped biological parents.

I’ve always felt Jesus, Yeshua is my brother, the real one.

The same goes to my children as they frequently can meet and talk to Him.

 

Honesty is also a part of being a pastor, the bare truth to be told and shown with nothing to hide or hold back.

Actually, I’m always saying the truth, I’m unable to lie or hold back. Tricky thing with when it comes to gifts and surprises.

 

Uncompromised.

That’s a treat once I thought worth to give up and will lead to personal salvation and liberation, so that would affect to whole world, or at least a larger part of it, faster and greater, more efficient.

How wrong I was…!

 

God had me live a various life to gain a large skilset, now I know in order to utilize those skills for helping the world, helping Him better.

And that’s not a one way street, more comes always back when the giving is absolute, unconditional.

 

Humble?

Putting myself low in order to have others feel better and greater is never the way – though I used to have this practice.

However, each and every one of us has a unique, unprecedent value, a special truth in ourselves that nobody else has ever had nor ever will have. We are all one of a kind representatives of the very same Heavenly Parent.

We are all the same in our differences and together we make a whole.

 

There are several ways of guiding others, being a mediator in between God and the ones who do not even know they are lost. Sacrifice, is a major thing in it.

Although none of us will ever have to bear what Jesus had to, yet, emotionally we are going through our Golgothas all the time, we are on the cross voluntarily. This is the way to experience the suffering and aching heart of our Heavenly Parent. And it is not about us – we can say no anytime.

 

We are free.

But with free will comes responsibility.

The greater the knowledge, the greater the stake.

Everybody is responsible according to his/her understanding.

And I like knowing more and more…

 

Ultimately, everything comes to this: loving the world -and here it means actions without expecting anything in return- must be more important than loving our own children and family, ourselves. Of course, there must be a balance in a way, but the focus should be on those, who are further from the ideal.

That’s something we have been taught by Jesus and God a lot…

 

I’m sure I need to find a right balance in between self-care and living for the sake of others, too. At least sometimes treat of refreshing sleep and more regular meals are ways to do even more.

I am not omnipotent, and I tend to forget it.

So, this one is also true: being a pastor means paving a way in finding internal-external balance, too.

 

Prayers must be actions and anything can be a prayer in this aspect.

 

Let’s pray-act together!

 

 

Blessings!

 

 

Joshua Dragon

 

 

I know that you never loved me

I know that you never loved me

You never knew how to love

Truly

How could you give

What never been yours

 

Just and unconcious mind

And a sometimes shining heart

That’s what we were

To each other

 

We took more than we gave

Because we needed to

Survive

Since we never knew how to live

Just to be images

Of a shattered vision

 

Surrogates to our true selves

Which we were hiding

That’s what we were

Expected images

Of the life around

 

I know that you never loved me

You never knew how to love

Truly

I’m just praying these days

For you to recognize

 

 

Joshua Dragon

Discovering What Has Been Lost

Discovering

after such a long time

which can be a day

or more by thousand times

 

What has been lost

the Truth inside me

covered in shock

rage and hatred

 

New earthquake in my heart

needed to happen

dirt had piled up

time has come to shovel

 

I was dwelling in a frozen fragment of time

trying not to feel

although my eyes were open wide

I was hiding behind a veil

 

Just not to feel as much

not to be hurt again

not to hurt others

just be me in peace

 

Heaven called me early in my life

and I’ve made my promises

in exchange for my

and my children’s life

 

I had become broken

it’s hard to admit it

for someone

who always wants to fix it

 

Though, I had never stopped

I wasn’t full

I had become a broken wheel

hard to move

 

Only for others

not to care for myself

that was the only way

I was able to accept

 

Now I have to love

myself again

this way to be healed

and be able to heal

 

Discovering

what has been lost

reinventing

to reach even more

 

 

-Joshua Dragon-

 

12 Days with God – Day Nine

Join me for 12 days to spend more time with God, our Heavenly Parent.

This was the ninth day.

“How happy are you who are poor: yours is the kingdom of God. Happy you who are hungry now: you shall be satisfied. Happy you who weep now: you shall laugh.”
Luke 6:21

 

This was the day of change.

I was heading towards to You in this path, again, and I hoped to find the straigthest path, not an elliptic one, again…

…and so the day became days, loosing sense on routines. After a while, days melted into evolving time and space. Memory of Your past echoed in me as I was loosing sight and detoured. You have created time and space, this world of dreams, hopes and possibilities – how could You prevent Yourself from changing, when everything went astray?

I realized, Your determination has always been greater than the pain You have suffered, Your hope is a constant one, Your acts for humankind haven’t ceased despite all the things we have been doing against the Ideal.

This is what I learned from You, that’s what I need to do: improving always, and not changing in doing, ceaselessly love through actions, and hoping Heaven on Earth will be on Earth and Heaven soon.

I must change to be unchanging in love and dedication, just like You, Father.

Thank you for teaching me, Father, even when it hurts.

Your son,

 

-JD-

12 Days with God – Day Eight

Join me for 12 days to spend more time with God, our Heavenly Parent.

This was the eighth day.

The spirit of the Lord has been given to me, for he has anointed me. He has sent me to bring the good news to the poor, to proclaim liberty to captives and to the blind new sight, to set the downtrodden free, to proclaim the Lord’s year of favor!
Luke 4:18-19

 

This was the day of life.

I was looking forward to this day. I was looking forward to feel You, I was looking forward to see You in every meetings, I was looking forward to spot You in the crowd. I was looking forward to get to know what was what You wanted to teach me today.

I was not able to keep the right mindset all the time, I had to warn myself, and I failed to realize in time every so often the sudden challenges are You gifts to receive a greater Blessing. An interrupted little to nothing sleep should have been felt Your care, not a headache, an immature youngster’s action could have been experienced as Your interactive historical tv-channel, I also should have changed my schedule when I was needed by one of the most beloved ones instead of loosing actual priorities.

Besides, I was aware of a teaching You gave me, and I acted upon, giving more from myself, as I used to and I supposed to do. It felt good and another way to improve and grow – for the most beloved ones, and through them the whole world.

I felt lonely.

I don’t know how and why. It might have a similar experience when long time ago Your pain was revealed during the time creating art. I still remember the endless, salt streams, the inner travel beyond time and space and the heart I felt, Your heart, seeing how everything was falling apart…. I felt Your loneliness and eager desire to accomplish and restore everything, becoming content and happy. I wish I could give You this. I would grant You it in an instant. Maybe, one day, soon, You will have the chance to accept it…

What will the next day bring, I can’t know. Either a challenge or tranquility, I’ll invite You for everything, each moments of my life, please, be a  part of my life, Father!

Your son,

 

-JD-

12 Days with God – Day Seven

Join me for 12 days to spend more time with God, our Heavenly Parent.

This is the seventh day.

Again, as one man’s fall brought condemnation on everyone, so the good act of one man brings everyone life and makes them justified. As by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by one man’s obedience many will be made righteous. When law came, it was to multiply the opportunities of falling, but however great the number of sins committed, grace was even greater; and so, just as sin reigned wherever there was death, so grace will reign to bring eternal life thanks to the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:18-21

 

This was the day of promises.

Father, I’ve been thinking of You a lot today, I was wondering how this day will unfold itself, I felt a growing curiosity inside of me, it was a pure, child’s love and interest, and I had completely forgotten how wonderful and uplifting it could feel. Though, it was not a rebirth, some of my cells radiated the light of Your love, from the inside of me. It is so nice to remember, it was today and it wasn’t a dream…

…this day wasn’t a perfect day, although overcoming challenges were mostly successful, I still have this unexplainable understanding in my heart and mind, every cells of my body: in Heaven there aren’t anxiety, annoying events, carelessness, laziness, narrow-mindedness, in Heaven, still I believe it in forever, nobody feels lonely and abandoned, betrayed and neglected, misused and forgotten. If this is the world of reasoning around us, I can’t be a part of it…

…how often I was called as starchild, now, I understand, they all felt and experienced Your love through me… a connection might have taken way longer time to establish…

Father, what is Your attitude towards broken promises?

How can You cope with falsity, enmity, betrayal and blaming? You have never ever done anything wrong, still… How can You trust again?

Night is late, dreams have been cast, I have wanted to serve and be energetic with serving others and being with You. Now, I need to lay my head, my body needs to take a rest, will You join me, Father?

Can You join me, Father, truly and forever?

Your son,

 

-JD-

12 Days with God – Day Six

Join me for 12 days to spend more time with God, our Heavenly Parent.

This is the sixth day.

His mother and brothers now arrived and, standing outside, sent in a message asking for him. A crowd was sitting around him at the time the message was passed to him, “Your mother and brothers and sisters are outside asking for you.” He replied, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking around at those sitting in a circle about him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. Anyone who does the will of God, that person is my brother and sister and mother.”

Mark 3:31-35

This was the day of truth.

How shall I do this? I should always ask You for an advice, instead of my stubborn ideas and concepts. Though, personal experiences can be useful, after a while they do not last. In my life, You have always given me what I asked from You, and it took me so long to understand: what You would like to give me might not be the same. It is a Blessing now to know the difference…

…You led me to the path of healing yesterday, and the keys of happiness and peaceful unity were in my hands. I struggled to use them wisely, and I felt sorry for the wasted time whenever I realized I could not focus on the gift of time and space You Blessed me with, being with my children and family. Of course, so many are my siblings and feel to be in a way my children, too – and they need more attention and care. Who should I love more with time and action? Those, who give me constant and ever growing love, respect, compassion and care or those who betray, abandon, leave and act selfishly? Your example, Jesus’ example, all the chosen ones’ example show the latter is more important in order to create Heaven on Earth than those who are worthy to enter and live with pure heart. It is not about righteousness, it is about solving this inexctricable world: all the issues and inherited resentments can be transformed only by care, compassion, volunteer sacrifice, love beyond our own need, with understanding and support by our loved ones.

Who are the children of God? Are those Your children at the holy places, in the holy robes, praying, meditating? Are those who always keep on helping others? Are those who ceaselessly improve themselves and others’ circumstances? Are those who excel in science and scriptures? Everybody is equally important for You, even the farthest one among us. As a True Parent, You have been focusing to reach out each and every one of us, especially, the farthest ones. None of us is going to Heaven without any of us. You love Your whole family. Even, when we are lost, You lift us up.

Thank You, Father, persevering and not giving up on us!

I hope, one day I can lift You up with my actions and heart!

Your son,

 

-JD-

12 Days with God – Day Five

Join me for 12 days to spend more time with God, our Heavenly Parent.

This was the fifth day.

Yahweh saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that the thoughts in his heart fashioned nothing but wickedness all day long. Yahweh regretted having made man on the earth, and his heart grieved. “I will rid the earth’s face of man, my own creation,” Yahweh said, “and of animals also, reptiles too, and the birds of heaven; for I regret having made them.” But Noah had found favor with Yahweh.

Genesis 6:5-8

 

This was the day of balance.

The greatest challenge is to be happy always. Sometimes it seems and feels, the joyous moments pass as quickly as they arrive, leaving only a reminiscence. The sharp teeth of reality bite the delight until nothing remains. How could You survive and exist seeing the reality of Your fallen and estranged children? I only can conclude that logically it was your mere hope that Your dream will become fruitful…

Actions, deeds are the foundation of love, life, lineage, lasting happiness, lasting fortune. It is simple to climb up a mountain, since time to time we walk down in a steep or declivous path – and that one is completely normal, acceptable, since it is the time for gaining strength, relaxing, meditating and rededicating. It is never a failure to let life be balanced. Anyone, who is willing to go up, ought to be ready to go down, too. Knowledge, trust, self-esteem are tools to act, and true dreams are the roots of the hopes in life.

Can my body be enough good for my intentions? Is my heart able to convert all the dreams and inspirations I have received from You to make others’ life easier and supporting them to get closer to You with melting their pain and disappointment with the real quality of love? I used to sorry You, that it was only me who listened to You, and a lot of people had been more prepared for taking the path. I used to feel shame and discouragement. Later, I realized when You gave me a vivid dream, You are proud of me, You have always wanted to be proud of me.

I love all those radiating experiences and encounters with You. I love remembering to them. These dreams are my hopes and strength in the days of hardships and challenges.

Thank You, Father!

Your son,

 

-JD-

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